IN MEMORY OF MY GRANDPA...

My great-grand-parent from……

My great grand parents came to Malaysia very long time ago, and I didn’t have the opportunity to see my great grand father, but my great grand mother was still around when I was 4.

She is a very nice lady, caring, kind and loving. When she first came to Malaysia, she had to work very hard to support the family, I still remember my grand father used to tell me that my great grand mother worked as a maid for a very rich Chinese family, she had to cook, and washed dishes, and taking care of all the children in the family, and she can only had her lunch and dinner after the family had theirs, and it was usually very little left over.

Frankly speaking, I can still remember the scene captured in my memory of her funeral, I remembered she laid down in the coffin as if she was sleeping…look peaceful...that was the last piece of memory I had about my great grand mother…

My Grand Pa….

I am not sure the number of children my great grand parent had, but I know my grand pa has a younger brother (already passed away long time ago), and a younger sister (still around). My grandpa used to work as a fish-seller in the market until the age of 40, when he was infected with some kind of eye disease. Initially, he still can see but few years down the road, it was worsen. Doctor already diagnosed, and concluded that there were no cure for this kind of eye diseases at that time, until recently Singapore has invented a cure using ‘laser’.

When my grandpa’s vision was blurred, and he can only see shadow, he was still very strong and perseverance. Take this for example, we stayed in Kedah, and his panel doctor was in Penang Island. I still remember he travelled to Penang every 2 months for consultation – all alone! He took bus and ferry to the island, and until a few years back when the panel doctor finally retired, the doctor referred my grandfather to Hospital Besar Kedah. Thereon, his vision was becoming even worst…

My grandma left my grandpa when he suffered the eye diseases; please do not get me wrong. As far as I know, my grandpa has a very bad temper when he was young and especially worse when he was infected with the disease. My grandma can not take it and left the house, and never come back…No one knows where she is now…

My grandpa has 4 children,

The eldest son is 57 years old and still single. He is a blur collar worker. He owns a bike and rented a room somewhere at the neighbor hood. He has a very bad temper and sometimes would quarrel with my grand father, but he is overall a filial son. He is the one stay nears and always come back for lunch and dinners with my grandpa. He always accompanies my grandpa to Hospital, Clinic and prayer in temple.

My father is the 2^nd, the only son who was married with 3 children (me as the eldest, my sister, and my brother the youngest). My family takes care of my grandpa on all aspects.

My aunt is the 3^rd in the family, married with 2 kids. She used to come back to visit my grandpa until recent years when she was so much devoted to religion works, she rather take care of the monks than my grandpa, which pissed me off! Anyway, its not the time to blame.

My youngest uncle passed away about 20 years ago. He was a drug addicted. He was deemed as a ‘disaster’ to the family, he has committed many crimes. I still remember there was one time when he brought some stolen item back to the house, and my father has to call the police to arrest him and put him in rehabilitation center.

My grand pa likes to work and working out…

He likes to clean the house, he swept the floor even he have problem with his vision. He cooks for himself as well, simply because he did not want to rely on people. I know very much about him, and I know when he asked for help, I know he encountered stumbling block, and I have to assist him…or else he usually will settle the issue himself…

He also believes in health; he wakes up early every morning to walk around the corridor of our house. He likes to sweat and he will complaint if he can’t sweat. Perhaps, this is how he lives till this age…

My grandpa likes to nag…

My grandpa has a loud voice, with a series of laughter when he sees us returning from KL. The 2 common questions he always asks me, a) how many days are you staying over, b) when are you going back again. He wants to know how much time he had to spent with us at home…

My grandpa also nags a lot. That’s the fact. Sometimes we really find it unbearable, but overall he is a very kind person.

Our family…

We have a small family; we do not have much relatives staying around. Since, my sister, brother and me are the nearest and the only grand children he had, obviously he cares a lot more about us.

My grandpa’s ultimate wish…

My grandpa emphasizes a lot about ‘schooling’. Our family members are all illiterate, not until our generation. My grandpa has been through a lot and he knows ‘schooling’ is the only way out of poverty, and the only chance to path your own success.

He is very happy when I can study, he is happy for me when I make it to my degree study. He even happier when I continue my master and he had always asked, and make sure my mum support me any way she can for

my study. This is because no one in the family has ever study so much.

When I enroll my PhD study, my grandpa starts to tell every relatives who visited him in the old folk home about me, he said, ‘my grandson study PhD now, he will be a Doctor soon’. I always thought he can make it to the day I graduated with my PhD. I thought he can see me being the first in the family in this 4^th generation to be graduated in a Doctoral…

My grandpa and me…

When I was young and naughty, my parents used to cane me with ‘Rotan’. My grandpa would stand in front of me to block it, and eventually he got more scars than me.

When I was young, he used to tell story to me because I was the only one who likes to stay at home, and the only one who shows an interest to his story. He tells story of his past based on his experience, such as his encounter during 513, and etc…

He also talks about his life working in the wet market selling fish. He shares with me that he used to ride his very old bicycle to work every morning and always being chased by a bunch of stray dogs. And he learnt, in his next ride, he took along the Sting fish’s tail with him; as you know that sting fish’s tail is with a lot of horns. The next morning when the dogs run after him, he used the sting to cane the dog. Those dogs never chase him again…

He also shares with my story about my great grand mother, and how they get to Malaysia…He also shares with me his ghost stories, a real one where he encountered himself. One of the most famous one is the one where he stayed in an Atap house with his friend during 513 that time. He remembered he slept in the room, but wake up in the morning outside the house.

He accompanied and encouraged me when I went for my appendicitis operation; I still remembered I was only standard 4 that time. He also brought me along in one of his trip to Penang for consultation; it is really an eye opening. I was standard 5 then, I was supposed to look after him, but instead he had to take care of me…

Few months ago…

I went back a few months ago when I was told that my grandpa can not walk anymore. He was still fine during my sister’s wedding in December 07, but it got worse. No one is able to take care of him, because my parents have to work so we send him to old folk home.

I went back for visit, and I was stunned to see him slim down so much. He can’t even see properly now, the condition just gets worse. I shed my tears for him during then. I told my parents, uncle and aunt that they must visit him more often to make sure he is fine in old folk home.

I went back again during Christmas, and he got even worst. He can’t even eat now, and the maid has to force feed to him. He kept complaining his stomach pain, and he is dying soon. I was worried, so I ask my uncle to send him for check up again. It was a few days later when he did his X-ray. The X-ray specialist told my uncle that my grandpa highly possible has colon cancer, and apparently, nothing can be done.

I insisted that he is to be admitted to hospital but my uncle said official medical result not yet release, it will only release on 14 January 09. He did his X-Ray on 31 December 08, and he has to wait for another freaking14 days for his medical result! God damn Hospital Besar Alor Setar!

My concern is always his condition, after I returned to KL, my dad told me my grandpa can not really eat anymore, and I insisted again to admit to hospital, or put him on IV; but no one seem to be doing anything. Then 2 days ago, I received calls my uncle, aunt and my parents, telling me different kind of story! My uncle said my grandpa can last another few weeks, and need to wait for medical result. My mum told me he can last till after CNY, while my Aunt said only can last for few days!

I am sad not because my grandpa passed away eventually but I am sad because everyone seem to have forgotten their duty as a son and daughter. As a grandson, I know there’s no hope anymore, but at least, we do something so that he is not suffering any pain when he is dying! No one seems to understand though…I still believe if he is admitted to hospital, I can still seem him for the last time, and tell him, ‘grandpa, don’t worry, I will take good care of myself and family, and I will most certainly finish my doctoral study…’

He will always stay with me in my memory…

what actually had happened?

I have never been pleased by the service of the old folk home. The name of the home is Northern Nursing Home. The only experience nurse in the house is the supervisor – who is a retiree from Hospital Kuala Lumpur (if I remember correctly). The rest of the staffs taking of all the old folks in the house are ‘INDONESIA MAID’.

Worse still the supervisor never pay personal interest to the patients in the house. She avoided my questions in each of my visits, and always channels my concerns to the INDONESIA MAID, and she will scold the MAID in front of me if needed, and she will blame the MAID in front of us whenever possible. That is why I insisted to shift my grandpa to another home which is nearer to our house, and the service seems much better.

A little bit about the service of the MAID, there’s no word to describe how the maid serve the patients in the house,

a) Feeding:

a. They will feed as much as possible in one spoon regardless of how much an old people can take! – I stood in aghast!!!!!

b. They will feed as much as possible – they just want to get it done fast!

c. I complaint about it in each of my visit, and the MAID will always said this is how it was done!

d. When my grandpa complaints about stomachache and reluctant to eat, I feedback to the MAID, and the supervisor, BUT they will also said, ‘He is fine when you are not around!’ – They never suspect anything wrong, and never even bother to take a look at his medical report.

b) Professionalism:

a. Obviously not, as you see, the only nurse available is the supervisor, and she will only stay for half day. Daily operation are mostly executed and handled by the MAIDS.

b. The MAID is very rough in handling the old people in the house, especially when they handle those can not walk. They will carry and ‘toss’ them on the chair of bed! – I complaint many times, and it never improved!

c. The nurse will fight your word, they always has their own excuses to deal with your complaint, and it always fall back to the old people. For example, I complaint they feed too fast, and my grandpa has stomach, and they will blame the old man for ‘acting’. NOT knowing that my grandpa used to admit to hospital due to internal bleeding (in stomach).

The TRUTH: We interrogated the MAID who took care of my grandpa that morning, and the MAID said my grandpa coughed after she fed him with MILO, and stop breathing right away. Apparently, the MAID was feeding my grandpa ‘MILO’, and there was a possibility that my grandpa was choked, and passed away.